Lessons in a Tree Stand

Sitting in a tree stand, waiting for deer, is a difficult task (especially when it's real early on an icy 20° morning). Not necessarily the waiting; but my thoughts. Rather than allow myself to completely 'be' in this moment, I'm mentally doing a myriad of things. My mind is wired for analysis. My patience is fleeting. 

Similarly difficult for me – for which this solitary environment provides an ideal moment – is having a quiet, devotional time with God (praying for prey doesn't count). But rather than allowing the beauty of creation and nature's orchestra to embrace and lift me, I'm contemplating my calendar, career tracks and past mis-cues. And in contrast to the stillness, unmitigated static from tinnitus* competes with the sounds of birds and raindrops on leaves.

Past thoughts invade the present moment; replaying various innings of my life. But unlike the annoying video challenges in football and baseball, there's nothing that can change the outcome for me.

It recalls my past life of editing our pastor's Sunday messages on reel-to-reel tape for radio broadcast. I meticulously removed every 'uh', stutter, or cough. He never sounded so professional as he did on-the-air. It was a tedious task when his delivery was off. Listen, pause, rewind, pause . . . spinning the reels back and forth, listening where to mark and trim the bloopers from the reel.

But real life doesn't allow video challenges or post-production cut-and-tape. As with live broadcasts, what we say and do is out there for the world to see, hear, critique – and judge.

Where live productions succeed is in pre-production. That requires the study of scripts and screen plays, blocking, staging, memorizing lines and cues. If not, at least you had better be really good at ad lib and improvising.

Our personal and spiritual pre-production comes together best in our quiet times. No devotions = no preparation for success. Thus, for the unprepared pragmatists as myself, our daily improvising is sorely tested. We pray for the video challenge, and post-production editing, and then beat ourselves up for not studying the script or recognizing the cues.

But here in this tree stand – if I force myself to become quiet enough and become willing to embrace the thoughts that come – I may start to sense the Producer at work in nature and in my life. I may begin to feel, see, and hear His hand in the next act . . . and his Spirit happens to be a great Director.

Perhaps spending more time studying His script, screenplay and cues for this next one, I won't want so much post-production analysis. And waiting for prey is always a good time to pray.

I just heard a confirming voice of thunder telegraphing the advancing rain. "Break a leg!", I think as I scramble to descend ahead of the danger of lightning. But hopefully not from falling out of this tree stand. (PS. I didn't get my deer)

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock: “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?”

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 42 ESV

* Tinnitus (TIN-ih-tus) is noise or ringing in the ears.

Realizing Isolation as Part of Healing

I realize that no blog post can be inclusive of all points of view, but I find myself wanting to respond to this post on isolation as a negative part of healing. 
http://blog.christianleadershipalliance.org/2014/09/15/six-steps-towards-healing-for-the-wounded-leader/

In her PhD dissertation, Shelley Trebesch focuses on periods of isolation as required time spent seeking an intimacy with God. Intimacy is the place where we recognize our need before our Creator and become honest in regard to being His steward. Shelley outlines a number of processes that take place in isolation that often come in response to organizational discipline (Trebesch 1997, 35-43):

1.  Stripping – sometimes the cause of the isolation (as it was with my self-initiated sabbatical after my resignation), a leader will face his or her identity – or loss of identity – in view of a separation from ministry whether voluntary or involuntary.

2.  Wrestling with God – if the isolation is forced, this brings the leader to desperately search for God and their true identity apart from the position and activity of ministry. This spiritual exertion can be as literal as Jacob’s interaction with God in Genesis 32, as we cling to God until we realize contentment.

3.  Increased Intimacy – this stage brings about an openness and honesty of the leader’s weakness, brokenness and vulnerability. There is a freedom in allowing others to see their hearts in this state. Leaders will often truncate this process here as it can be too painful, or they find another outlet for ministry. However, for those who are able to separate themselves from the position of ministry, they will discover a growing satisfaction in Christ alone.

4.  Released to Look Toward the Future – Rather than succumb to the temptation to truncate this process, the leader must allow God to remove them when He is ready. There will be an intuitive renewal and openness to the future. This is often when leadership emergence reveals itself.

I personally experienced this isolation process in 2006, following my voluntary resignation from a ministry, as I found myself seriously questioning my leadership ability and competency for ministry. It was paradoxical to me at that time, that while many other local organizations were seeking out my leadership, there was an unmistakable barrier between them and me . . . until which time I came through that process with a clear freedom to accept a new position.

The process was undesired, but critical to my spiritual formation, as well as my professional growth as a leader. It was only after my acceptance of a new position as God’s direction for me that I was contacted by the other organizations with the news that I was not their choice. It was this process that led me to an awareness of God’s preparation of me for a specific ministry position. I also feel that without this process of isolation I would not have been as prepared for continued leadership or for the intense introspection of the MA program that I was undertaking. 

  

I have learned that isolation can be a friend, but also a trap. Use it sparingly, but realize it as part of healing as a leader. 

Shelley Trebesch, “Developing Persons in Christian Organizations: A Case Study of OMF International.” (Ph.D. diss., FTS) 1997.